At 20 years old
I wake up yet again,
feeling ALIEN.
Alien to the society in which I live.
I feel like a fucking alien.
Still trying to figure this shit out.
This weird game we all give consent to participate in unless we have the vagina to voluntarily end it.
It is fucking weird.
I wake up every morning feeling like a newborn child.
Fresh.
Unscented.
And anything is possible, yet what I want seems so far away.
I feel like a fucking kid who doesn't know anything.
New.
All the time.
Ready to create a new self.
What does this mean?
Am I crazy?
Sometimes I feel I have no sense of identity.
Most of the time.
And I am actually okay with that.
I think this would be more of a tolerable place if we kept the perspective
to reinvent ourselves upon every waking moment, the sleeping ones too.
I don't want school, or a fucking normal job, or these uncreative responsibilities.
All this shit is really bogging me down and I've had the biggest creative block
of my entire 2 decade span of life.
And I'm fucking over it.
I wake up yet again,
feeling ALIEN.
Alien to the society in which I live.
I feel like a fucking alien.
Still trying to figure this shit out.
This weird game we all give consent to participate in unless we have the vagina to voluntarily end it.
It is fucking weird.
I wake up every morning feeling like a newborn child.
Fresh.
Unscented.
And anything is possible, yet what I want seems so far away.
I feel like a fucking kid who doesn't know anything.
New.
All the time.
Ready to create a new self.
What does this mean?
Am I crazy?
Sometimes I feel I have no sense of identity.
Most of the time.
And I am actually okay with that.
I think this would be more of a tolerable place if we kept the perspective
to reinvent ourselves upon every waking moment, the sleeping ones too.
I don't want school, or a fucking normal job, or these uncreative responsibilities.
All this shit is really bogging me down and I've had the biggest creative block
of my entire 2 decade span of life.
And I'm fucking over it.
2 comments:
I feel alien too (see my latest post), and I'm 64 . I would even say that I feel more alien at 64 than I did at 20. This is because I know more, I'm more suspicious, and I'm old enough that society treats me as if I'm already dead.
I wonder if most of us feel alien. I don't think it is something that will ever just go away. Maybe once we're dead, but we'd have to wait and see. I'm going to give your blog a visit. I get emails whenever someone actually comments on my blog. That is when I remember to come back here, but it is always nice and refreshing :)
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